This is real.

I haven’t been able to sleep for what feels like months. It’s nearly 4am and I turn my TV on. This is what I see….

It’s a circus being filmed for television. There is a tuxedoed announcer on the floor doing play by play. He looks like Ed McMahon and “Mean” Gene Okerlund had a baby together. On the highwire Scott Baio is in a yellow sequin spandex unitard attempting to make the cross. There is an evil looking clown on the other side taunting him with a giant pair of wire cutters. Baio is nervous. The crowd is nervous. The announcer is sweaty. A clown car bursts through a paper wall. The anouncer introduces the driver as “everyone’s favourite jive talking puppet”. The “Jive Talking Puppet” stops in the centre ring and exclaims “Wazzup, y’all?!” (at this point my jaw hits the floor and i’m starting to think that something is wrong….is my spine tingling again?). A Guy who looks a lot like Jim Carrey rides in on a motorcycle with a sidecar. There is a blonde woman who is very concerned for Scott Baio. The clown cuts the wire and Baio falls, but is caught by Not Jim Carrey in the motorcycle’s side car. While this happens, a large man wearing a t-shirt that reads “Baio’s in charge”… or “Chachie’s in charge” … or something like that? screams for Baio’s safety and then is relieved. They race out of the circus chasing the clown who has kidnapped the blonde woman. (No clue how this happened) They pull over in what appears to be the desert. Scott Baio’s agent shows up and tells the clown to kill them all. The clown produces a gun, but is immediately kicked in the balls by Catwoman. It really looks like Chyna might be under that mask. The clown goes down, Scott’s agent takes off, the blonde and Not Jim Carrey kiss. Then, Not Jim Carrey saunters over to Scott Baio and rips a prosthetic nose off of his face. Catwoman hooks up with Scott Baio. CUT TO: Interior Courtroom. Tracey Morgan and Kevin Pollok are sitting at a table with Dolly Parton sitting behind them. The Judge proclaims  Morgan and Pollak guilty. They are visibly upset, while Dolly parton celebrates with a group of people I presume are her family.  …..CREDITS.

After I shake off what I’ve just seen (there was a moment were I thought it was an acid flashback), I check CTV’s schedule online and find this

Frank McKlusky C.I.

I’m downloading this shit RIGHT NOW.

hey, while you’re bored, check out Chyna’s website. It’s pretty great.

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